Why Talk Therapy Doesn’t Always Help

And what can help instead

For many people, the decision to come to counselling follows a long stretch of trying to cope on their own. By the time they arrive, they have often already talked things through with friends, partners, or family. Some have spent months or years in therapy before and are quietly asking the same question:

Why do I understand what’s going on, but still feel the same?

This question matters. Not because talk therapy is ineffective, but because it doesn’t always reach the parts of us that are holding the distress.

When insight isn’t enough

Talking can be powerful. It helps us make sense of our experiences, name patterns, and feel less alone. For many people, that alone brings relief.

But for others, especially those who have lived through trauma, chronic stress, or emotionally overwhelming experiences, insight doesn’t always lead to change.

They can explain exactly why they feel the way they do.
They can describe where it started.
They can even predict when it will show up.

And yet the body still reacts. The nervous system still fires. The feeling still arrives as if nothing has shifted.

This isn’t a failure of effort or intelligence. It’s a sign that the distress is being held somewhere other than words.

The nervous system remembers differently

When something overwhelming happens, the brain shifts into survival mode. In those moments, the part of the brain responsible for reasoning, reflection, and language steps back, while the alarm system takes over.

Experiences that occur in this state are not stored as neat, verbal memories. They are stored as sensations, images, emotions, and reflexive responses. This is why a sound, smell, or body feeling can trigger a reaction long after the event itself has passed.

Talking about these experiences can help us understand them, but it doesn’t always help the nervous system recognise that the danger is over.

That recognition happens at a different level.

When therapy needs to work beyond words

This is often where people feel stuck. They may say things like:

“I know I’m safe, but my body doesn’t believe it.”
“I’ve talked about this so many times, but it still hits me out of nowhere.”
“I don’t want to keep reliving it just to feel better.”

For these experiences, therapy needs to do more than explain. It needs to help the brain and body complete what couldn’t happen at the time.

How different approaches can help

There are therapeutic approaches designed to work directly with how the brain processes experience, rather than relying only on conversation.

Eye movement therapies, for example, use gentle, structured eye movements to support the brain in reprocessing memories and sensations that remain stuck in the present. The aim is not to erase what happened, but to allow it to be stored in the past, where it belongs.

This kind of work is typically paced, resourced, and does not require detailed retelling. Many people find it feels quieter, steadier, and less effortful than repeatedly talking things through.

For some, this becomes the missing piece. For others, it complements reflective, meaning-based counselling beautifully.

There is no single right approach.

Therapy is not one-size-fits-all

One of the most common misunderstandings about counselling is the idea that if one approach didn’t help, therapy itself isn’t for you.

More often, it simply means the approach didn’t match what your nervous system needed at that time.

Good counselling is flexible. It adapts. It listens not just to your story, but to how your body responds as you tell it.

Sometimes change comes through words.
Sometimes it comes through experience.
Often, it comes through a thoughtful combination of both.

A final thought

If you’ve ever left therapy thinking, I understand this, but I don’t feel any different, you’re not broken and you haven’t failed.

It may simply be time for a different conversation — one that includes the body, the nervous system, and the parts of you that never had language in the first place.

If you’d like to read more about eye movement therapies or how I work integratively, you’re welcome to explore those pages. If not, this reflection can stand on its own.